Vietnam Evangelical Covenant Church – The Bible is very clear about this: as Christians we must love others. But what about people who are truly hard to get along with? How do we love them?
Everyone has a few difficult people in their life: a critical coworker, a relative who hurts us, an irritating neighbor. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27). This article helps us in learning to love difficult people. Scripture quotations are from the Berean Standard Bible (BSB).
Why Love Difficult People?
Anyone can love likable people. Christian love is tested and shown most clearly when we face people who are hard to love. And there are many kinds of difficult people.
People You Just Don’t Click With
There is a kind of difficulty that is simply “we don’t get along.” You have a personality clash and see everything very differently. Or they may unintentionally remind you of someone you once argued with.
If you want to remove every “speck” from your eye, look at them from a different angle. Perhaps they have real struggles in life that are hard to bear. Try to understand a little of their situation. You don’t have to be their best friend, but don’t abandon them. See whether you can find something good in them, anything good! Thank God for their gifts and ask Him to help you love them despite what annoys you. He will answer your prayer.
People Who Are Different
Another kind of difficult person includes those who lack social awareness, or who are a little odd or hard to understand. I have a soft spot for these people because I have a son with autism. I love my son hopelessly, but I often feel deep pain when he struggles to connect with others.
Why does this make loving others hard? Imagine it like a game of tennis. Two people stand at opposite ends of the court and hit the ball back and forth. For a good game, both need to return the ball steadily and in rhythm.
Every conversation has two players. But if one keeps dropping the ball or doesn’t notice what is happening, the other has to take responsibility for keeping the conversation going.
If you carry more of the weight in a conversation, you are “adjusting” for the other person. Adjusting is neither comfortable nor easy. The more you have to adjust when you don’t want to, the less pleasant the relationship becomes. Sometimes a person seems able to relate as an equal, but you find it doesn’t work and you have to change the game. That is awkward and frustrating, and you often want to walk away or avoid the person forever.
Learning to Love as Christ Loves Us
There are clear biblical principles to keep in mind: be kind, consider others better than yourself, and bear with one another out of reverence for God. You may never become close friends with difficult people. But you can choose (and I think it does require a choice) to ask God to help you get along with them and truly be a friend to them.
I believe God sends these people to us because we need to learn what real love looks like. Think of God’s love for us: He “adjusted” enormously when He sent His Son to die on the cross to heal our relationship with Him.
Loving a difficult person is sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes costly. But the goal we aim for is unconditional love. You may not see any benefit right away, but you will learn to love the way God loves.
First Steps in Loving Difficult People
Start by praying for that difficult person, even when your heart doesn’t want to. It is very hard to keep hating someone you pray for regularly.
Loving difficult people does not mean accepting every wrong behavior or letting yourself be harmed. Sometimes love needs healthy boundaries. But it always means not taking revenge, being willing to forgive, and wanting what is good for them.
Remember that we too were once hard to love for God, yet He loved us first. That love is the source from which we love others.
You may also like: Hurt in the Church and The Secret of Contentment in the Lord.
Prayer
Lord, You loved us while we were still Your enemies. Pour Your love into our hearts so that we can love difficult people, pray for them and do good to them. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Article: Quỳnh Vũ
Adapted from: Fervr.net
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